It’s been said that family pain is the worst kind of pain. And perhaps the worst kind of family pain is figuring out how to raise rebellious children.
Rebellion is all around us. We see it on television, in movies, on the news, and worst of all, we see it in the mirror. The problem Noah faced extends to every generation who has followed: “The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” [Genesis 6:5]
I approach this territory gently and with humility because right now, some of you are clawing your way through the painful reality of rebellion in your home. You’ve come to realize that it’s not just the “normal” pitfalls of your kids growing up; these are the pitfalls of disobedience, resistance, and selfishness taken to a deeper level. It’s beyond name-calling and sibling in-fighting; it’s relational irresponsibility, patently bad advice from other trusted adults, and the list goes on and on.
For parents, discovering these pitfalls in your child’s life often leads to headaches, irregular heartbeats, knots in the stomach, sleepless nights, and unending feelings of hopelessness and confusion. After making it through one crisis, you find just enough time to catch your breath before another crisis pops up. Then, before you know it, everything feels like a crisis spinning wildly out of control.
There are parallels here to the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15. Maybe you feel you could’ve written the story because you have walked in this father’s sandals. The setting is different but the story is the same. A child, probably a teenager because he wasn’t married yet, with much to be thankful for, taking the blessing he’s been given and squandering it in “reckless living” (Luke 15:13). It’s only when everything is gone that he realizes the futility of his ways and comes home to the gracious welcome of his father.
But there’s still a problem. Some of you reading this haven’t made it that far in the story. Right now, you’re laying awake at night, crying out to God for verse 20: “And [the son] arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” Day after day, you pray the same prayer, hoping tomorrow will be the day you welcome your prodigal home.
And then, you wait.
One lesson I’ve learned (again) in my conversations with parents is that we can’t answer the question of when or how their children will come home. But there is hope for those of you trying to find your way through these circumstances. The story of the prodigal son illustrates the sovereign care of God over his children, both those who are parents and those who are kids.
EVEN IN THE RECKLESS LIVING, GOD NEVER LOSES TRACK OF CHILDREN WHO WANDER AWAY
We often think the turning point for the son is when “he came to himself.” [v17] Rather, it’s a few verses earlier, when “he began to be in need.” [v14] When the son realized his need, he tried multiple ways to meet those needs (i.e., find salvation) by himself, even to the point of eating pig slop.
Only God can bring a person to that moment of need. Any parent who wants the best for their children knows how difficult that truth is to grasp. But God is the only one capable of bringing together our thoughts, emotions, will, circumstances, and timing in a way that draws us back to himself. Moreover, God isn’t simply helping our kids see they have a need; He is helping them see that their ultimate need can only be met in Him.
As parents, we must be ready to guide, shepherd, and lead our children as opportunities arise. However, if we believe that God is sovereign, then we must believe that He will bring our children to that moment of need–the crucible of repentance–in His time and in His way. After all, God has made abundantly clear that “as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” [Isaiah 55:9]
When a child wanders away, the whole experience magnifies the problem of sin. But the problem of sin does not stand outside the realm of the sovereignty of God. Nor is it outside of God’s sovereignty that our natural inclinations and those of our children are to walk away from him rather than closer to him.
Yes, God is sovereign, but His sovereignty is always expressed in the context of His love. And since that sovereign love is far greater than our human knowledge (Ephesians 3:19), we can trust that God will never lose track of one who wanders away.
EVEN IN THE WAITING, GOD NEVER LOSES TRACK OF PARENTS WHO LONG FOR SOMETHING BETTER
Luke 15:20 says that even while the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and ran out to meet him. When I read this passage, I often wonder if the father spent countless evenings on the front porch, looking out into the open field, wondering if tonight was the night his boy would come home.
And night after night, he turned off the lights, went to bed, and prayed that tomorrow would be the day because today wasn’t.
My heart aches for you: parents who hope beyond hope that your children would turn the corner and start walking home. You’ve stood by them as they’ve made good decisions and bad, you’ve counseled them, you’ve prayed for them, and then you wait.
You wait for them and, more importantly, you wait for God. You ache for the Spirit of God to do the work that you can’t. And all the while, your heart aches for your kids.
It’s in our waiting that God affirms the power of His sovereignty. It’s this kind of family pain that magnifies the reality that we are not in control, not even in the lives of the ones we love the most. Whether safely at home or having journeyed into a far country (Luke 15:13), our children rest firmly in the hand of the sovereign God, never out of His reach and never beyond His care.